A Slow Withdrawal
by Risknight
Summary: He doesn't understand how no one but him sees the pain she is in. She's in love with her best friend, who is dating the woman who calls her Bestie.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory, or the characters. Which makes me sad. Can someone sing me Soft Kitty? Sad and Shenny-less is a type of sick, right?**

* * *

Howard wondered why the others couldn't see it. It was so obvious to him. Penny was in so much pain, it broke his heart. She was in love with her best friend, who was dating a woman who considered Penny her best friend. The longer Sheldon and Amy dated, the closer they became, the more Penny hurt. She kept it to herself though. She refused to let either of them see how much she hated seeing them together. Howard saw it though. Maybe because he spent so much time watching her, his habit of woman watching granting him the ability to recognize the dynamic playing out. It also showed him that Penny was slowly and methodically withdrawing from their circle.

* * *

It started with her picking up more evening shifts, so she had an excuse not to come over. She took up yoga and dance classes on the weekends, giving herself more time away from the building. And when Amy was over, she sat across the room from them. Her spot had always been beside Sheldon, ever since the first day. Occasionally she had sat on the armchair on Sheldon's other side, but only if she was irritated with him for his pick up lines. Now she sat on the wooden chair on the other side of the armchair. Not that she was there very often anymore.

One month she missed a night of Halo and Thai night. The next month, she missed Halo twice and a Vintage Video Game night. Last month, she had only played once. The day they all found out Sheldon had initiated a kiss with Amy for the first time, Penny left before the meal was even over, claiming nausea due to a bad taco. That was the first night he sent her a text.

She had initially denied his theory. But over the course of a week long texting session, she had broken down and admitted it. That was two months ago. Now they regularly "spoke" every night via texts and chatting online. They didn't always speak of her feelings for Sheldon, either. They would chat about their day, or a movie. They discovered they actually had a few things in common. They both liked musicals (their favorite was Grease). They liked go-carts, and he finally had someone who would watch action movies with him! Raj, Leonard and Sheldon weren't that into movies with lots of guns, knives and fighting. The day Sheldon, Amy, Leonard, Raj and Raj's girlfriend, Bernadette, went to Disneyland, he was home sick. Penny brought his mom a cheesecake, and then knocked on his door with the Die Hard quadrilogy. They spent the day watching John McClain single-handedly stop several terrorist groups.

Then came the day Sheldon and Amy celebrated their first anniversary. Sheldon, oblivious as he was, had asked Penny to help him select a gift. Penny, because she loved him and really wanted him to be happy, agreed. She drove him around and helped him select a DVD boxset of Downtown Abbey and a pretty tea set he and Amy could use when they spent time together. Afterwards he had shown up with ice cream, knowing she would be down in the dumps. He and Penny were both shocked when he suddenly blurted out "I wish this was a movie, so we knew there would be a happy ending." She was shocked he was a closet romantic, since he usually only showed his horny Jewish side.

It was strange trying to talk to Penny as a friend at first, but they found a groove that worked. She didn't even mind much if he slipped up and hit on her. Their new closeness made it easy for her to see past the pervert to the emotionally scarred, lonely guy inside.


	2. The Henny?

**This is not going to be canon, my friends. I'm sorry if that disappoints. But any non-canon moments and/or pairings were necessary to my mind set as I wrote it.**

* * *

He was amused at first when the others discovered he and Penny were close. It was his turn to be paired up with Penny for Halo. They were slaughtering Leonard and Sheldon. After his particularly gruesome extermination of Sheldon's avatar, she had turned and hip bumped him as they high-fived. After the fifth time she took out Leonard with extreme prejudice, he had snatched her up in a hug.

It was several seconds before they noticed everyone staring at them in shock. He and Penny looked at each other in confusion. "Umm, what's wrong?" he asked cautiously.

"Wanna catch us up?" Leonard asked Penny with a slight edge to his voice.

""About what?" Penny asked with only a hint of smugness over their win.

"How about why you let Howard hug you, and not only did you hug him back, you placed a kiss on his cheek," Sheldon said with bewilderment.

Penny shrugged. "We won."

"Yeah," Leonard said slowly. "But since when do you let Howard hug you?"

Howard felt mischievous and he winked at Penny. He threw an arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Penny and I are…friends. Friends often…hug." He dramatically paused as he spoke just to make Leonard twitch. It was no secret that Leonard was still hung up on Penny. Penny's amused giggle only helped reinforce their friend's incorrect assumptions. Soon after, Penny left to go to bed, and he quickly left only seconds later.

* * *

Thursday was a day of discovery for Howard. First he discovered that it was far easier to lie to Raj than he would have imagined. He not only did not correct Raj's impression that he and Penny were dating, but, in a joking mood, he said they were. He'd deal with Penny killing him later. Second he found Leonard jealous of him for the first time ever. It was quite empowering. Third, he discovered a very unhappy Sheldon in his lab. Sheldon was pacing back and forth. He spent 30 minutes listing the cons of Howard and Penny dating. Howard tuned him out and just watched his friend.

He came to three conclusions. Sheldon was jealous. Sheldon didn't realize he was jealous. Sheldon was jealous because he was halfway in love with Penny. Howard had known Sheldon for 7 years. He knew that until Sheldon reached a conclusion himself he would not believe him. He also knew Sheldon wouldn't recognize his feelings for what they were on his own. So, what to do?

He realized Sheldon was no longer speaking and seemed to waiting for a response. "I'll think about what you said," he replied, hoping that would satisfy Sheldon for the moment. Luckily Sheldon just nodded and left, obviously happy he had deterred Howard from a relationship with his best friend. As soon as he left work, he drove over to the Cheesecake Factory. He sat in the parking lot, knowing Penny would be getting off shift soon. 20 minutes later she strolled out to the parking lot, and he was called out to her.

"Hello, Penny." She turned with a start and then smiled when she saw him. He walked over and he smiled. "Penny, I think you should know the guys think we are dating." He looked down at his shoes sheepishly. "And I kind of told Raj we were just to tease him."

Penny surprised him by bursting out laughing. "That's okay, sweetie. I got a call from Amy wanting to know all the juicy details of what they are calling our 'torrid romance'. They even have a name for it. The Henny."

Howard's eyes crinkled as he considered the name. "Maybe we could get shirts made." Penny playfully punched him in the arm. He followed Penny to the apartment and they walked in together. Penny was looking through her mail listening to him talk about his last ideas for a satellite camera program when Sheldon appeared on the landing above them. He only glanced at Howard before addressing Penny.

"Penny, may we speak for a moment?" He clasped his hands behind his back. "Alone?"

Howard took her mail and keys and smiled. "I'll go on ahead." Sheldon didn't see the playful wink Howard gave her, making her blush. All he saw was the tiny smile and bright flush of Penny's cheeks. Sheldon was disconcerted about this new shift in Penny and Howard's friendship. He didn't delve into why it bothered him. He just knew it did and he needed to tell them so.


	3. Harsh Words

"Penny, this has to stop." He said superciliously. "You and Howard must return to the original parameters of your friendship."

Penny looked at him calmly. "Okay, first of all, this is none of your business, Sheldon. Second,…"

"Of course it is my business," Sheldon interrupted. "You are my friend. Howard is my treasured acquaintance. Therefore it is my business."

Penny took a deep breath. "Second, you have no say in who either of us dates, or spends time with, or even befriends. You do not own either of us. Third…"

"Slavery is illegal, Penny. Of course I do not own you. I am merely pointing out that this is not a feasible action."

Penny's voice got louder. "Third! I don't tell you how to handle your relationship with Amy, so grant me the courtesy of not butting into any of my relationships, no matter who they are with."

Sheldon huffed in annoyance. "Penny, I am merely pointing out that you and Howard have nothing in common apart from me. If not for our friendship, you would not be friends with him. You have no similar interests, no common activities, and your intelligence levels are greatly uneven."

The gasp from Penny made Sheldon pause. Her eyes had gone wide and her jaw dropped. Sheldon replayed his words, trying to find the source of her surprise. Surely Penny already knew these things, he was merely reminding her. He was appalled to see a tear form in her left eye. He started to shift uneasily in place. He was never comfortable with emotional people, especially Penny. He hated to see her sad.

Her voice was barely a whisper. "Do you mean that, Sheldon?"

He frowned and nodded. "Penny, you know I never say anything I don't mean." Over her shoulder he saw Amy, Bernadette and Raj approaching. That small distraction was all it took for Penny to catch him completely off guard. His cheek stung where her palm had struck it. He looked at her blazing emerald eyes in astonishment.

"I always knew you thought I was stupid, Sheldon. I just never knew you thought I was too stupid for your friends." Penny pushed past him and raced up the stairs, leaving four very stunned people behind her. Amy stepped up beside him.

"Sheldon? What is going on?" she asked softly. She did not enjoy seeing her bestie and her boyfriend fighting. She especially did not like the look of pain in his eyes. Amy knew their relationship was unusual. She also suspected he had feelings for Penny, buried deep down. She was attracted to Sheldon. She cared for him. She even felt a sort of love for him. Penny had never shown anything but friendship for Sheldon, but sometimes Amy got the feeling that if she wasn't there the relationship between Penny and Sheldon would change.

Sheldon looked at Amy sadly. "I do not know. I was talking to Penny about the differences between her and Howard and how this dating would end as badly as she and Leonard had. Then she hit me!"

Footsteps above them brought Howard into view. He looked livid. "Penny asked me to tell Bernadette and Amy she is not up for a girls night after all. She has decided she is tired and only wants to turn in early. As for you, Sheldon, not cool. Not cool at all."

He turned and stormed back up the steps. The others followed quickly, and saw him slip back into 4B before closing and locking the door. It was 2 hours and 18 minutes before Howard left. Sheldon was watching the clock. As soon as Leonard went to bed, Sheldon eased out into the hallway. He knocked his customary knock, calling Penny's name softly. He could hear the tv playing so he knew Penny was awake. After a minute he knocked a second time. Then a third time. On the fifth round of knocks he heard the tv snap off. He stood back and waited. After a few moments he heard the shower begin running. Sheldon turned away and went back into his home. He walked back to his room and tried to reason out the dilemma.

He reviewed the conversation with Penny. Why was she upset? She must know that she and Wolowitz had little in common. She was sociable and outgoing. Howard was socially inept and creepy. Howard was fond of kite fighting, comics and sci-fi. Penny was not. Howard may be an engineer (only has a masters, btw), but Penny was knowledgeable about social constructs and had much more common sense. In no way were they compatible. Okay, they worked well at Halo. But was that really a good basis for a relationship? Of course not. And how could Penny possibly think he thought she was stupid. Of course she wasn't. Just because she wasn't as smart as he himself was, that didn't make her stupid. No one was as smart as he was. He would need to speak to Penny and explain that to her. She must have misunderstood what he was saying.


	4. A Change of Direction

Friday, Penny worked the evening shift and he did not see her.

Saturday, she did not answer her door, even though he was sure she was in. He ended up doing laundry alone, an hour late.

Sunday, she worked the morning shift and did not return home until after he had retired for the night. He found out later, she had went to Bernadette's.

Monday, another evening shift.

Tuesday he walked into the Cheesecake Factory determined that they would speak. He paid scant attention to Leonard, Howard and Raj's conversation. Penny approached their table and walked around to stand beside Howard, diagonal from Sheldon. She did not look up as she asked if he wanted his usual. Once their orders were placed she walked away. No chatting, no asking how any of them were.

Leonard turned to him with a frown. "Are you and Penny fighting still? You need to apologize," he sulked.

Sheldon glared at the door Penny had disappeared behind. "I would gladly apologize, Leonard, but Penny refuses to speak with me."

Howard glanced at him condescendingly. "Maybe she's too stupid to realize you want to speak with her."

Sheldon seriously considered trying to blow up Howard's brain, but was distracted by Penny returning with their drinks. He quickly leaned toward her. "Penny, I would like to speak with you. Please."

"No," she said calmly, handing out the glasses of lemonade.

Sheldon's eyes went wide. Penny never said no. She might grumble, but she never said no. "Penny, it is imperative."

"No." She turned and walked away quickly.

Sheldon huffed a bit. He would try again when she returned with their food.

Bernadette brought out their meals, saying Penny had left for the day because she wasn't feeling well.

* * *

He didn't bother knocking. He took the spare key and let himself in. It was inexcusable that Penny had left in the middle of their meal. It was inexcusable that she would not allow him to speak to her. They were going to discuss this, whether she wanted to or not.

Only she wasn't in. Sheldon deflated a bit. Where was she then?

* * *

Howard was just settling in at home when his phone chirped. He looked at the strange number and answered the call.

"Hello? Is this Mister Wool…umm, Wall.. Oh hell. Is this a friend of Penny Queen's?"

"Yes," he said cautiously. "Who is this?"

"I'm Dave, a nurse at Huntington Memorial Hospital. Your friend is here and she's asked me to call you as her contact."

Howard felt panic surge through him. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, but she needs a ride home."

"I'll be right there," he said before hanging up. He yelled out to his mom that Penny was in the ER and needed a ride. He wasn't surprised when she yelled back well wishes for Penny. They had gotten along well every time Penny had visited. He raced to the hospital wondering what he would find.

She was sitting in on a bed in a small observation room. She looked scared and small to him. Like she had shrunk inside herself. She offered him a timid smile and apology.

"I'm sorry, hon," she said softly. "They won't let me drive myself home. My emergency contact is Leonard and he would have brought Sheldon, so I had them call you."

He sat down beside her and slung an arm around her waist. "What happened?"

Penny shrugged. "I was half way home when I started having trouble breathing. I saw black spots and threw up my lunch. I was near here so I managed to drive the last two blocks. Luckily a group of nurses were just coming off their shifts and saw me leaning against the car. They brought me inside and the doctor checked me out. Panic attack, I guess. He thinks it was stress related. He gave me a Rx for Ativan and the number of a counselor."

"Penny," he hesitated, "is this because of Sheldon?"

She shook her head. "Not really. Some, yes. You know how I feel about him. But it's everything, Howard. I hate my job. I failed at acting. I'm two drinks shy of being an alcoholic. I'm 28 and I have nothing to show for my life."

"What will you do?" he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer to the question.

Penny sighed. "What I should have done years ago." She stood up off the cot and smiled wistfully. "Grow up."

* * *

She settled into the Wolowitz's couch, refusing to take Howard's bed from him. Mrs. Wolowitz offered her tea, coffee and ice cream which she politely refused. Howard brought her some blankets and she sent him off to bed. For a long time she sat and stared at her phone. Finally she dialed a number she hadn't used in a long time. "Hello, Mr. Atkins?"


	5. Starting Over

**I'm taking a few liberties here. The woman I made Penny's aunt is VERY famous. If you don't recognize the name, I insist you google her. Sheldon would indeed had freaked out if he knew. Some have asked who Mr. Atkins is, and he is explained here. Many have asked why I didn't just have Penny talk to Sheldon. With a sneaky laugh and a knowing wink I say "my story, my plot" and then I laugh like Harley Quinn and do a Snoopy Dance. If this seems strange to you, bear in mind it is late, I spent 8 hours baking, wrapping presents, tending two rampaging children, fixing a train that will now only run backwards for some inexplicable reason, and fielding calls from relatives who don't like me any more than I like them, but feel it is necessary to call and wish me an insincere happy holiday because they are old and trying to get into heaven. Now, on with the show!**

* * *

Sheldon set his tray down at the table and nodded to his friends. His mind was still on Penny. Had she spent the night with a friend? Had she picked up some meat headed Neanderthal? That thought made him cringe. He began assembling his sandwich slowly, trying to determine his next move.

Howard looked at Sheldon briefly. "So, Penny went to the hospital last night."

Everyone turned startled eyes to him. "What happened?" Leonard exclaimed.

He shrugged. "Stress, according to the physician. She had a panic attack yesterday."

"Is she still there," Raj asked.

He shook his head. "No. She had the nurse call me to come get her. She couldn't drive herself, and they thought it best she not be alone."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes. "Leonard is Penny's emergency contact. Why would they call you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "She asked them too."

Leonard huffed a bit. "I would have gone to get her."

Howard glanced at Sheldon again. He looked stunned and very unhappy. "True. But she didn't want you to."

Raj smirked and wagged his eyebrows. "Yeah. Now Penny turns to Howard for her needs."

Luckily, before anyone could say anything else, his phone rang. He smiled before answering it. "Hello Penny." He listened for a minute. "Of course. I would be happy to take you. When?" He looked at his watch. "I can leave now. We will have plenty of time." A couple of nods. "Of course. There are fresh towels in the closet by the bathroom. I will be there soon."

Sheldon's voice was devoid of emotion. "Penny spent the night with you." It wasn't a question, but Howard answered anyway. "Yes. Like I said, the doctor did not want her to be alone." He stood and picked up his tray. "Excuse me, my friends. I have to go now."

Sheldon watched Wolowitz walk away and felt something inside him change. A shift in his way of thinking. He walked back to his office and stared at his desk for a long time.

* * *

He flipped through a magazine while Penny fidgeted beside him. They were in a law office. He wanted to ask why, but the stern looking secretary three feet away prevented that. After a few more minutes Penny turned to him.

"Okay, the man we're about to speak to used to be my aunt's lawyer. A few years ago she passed away and she left me something. I never did anything with it, because at first, I was upset to lose her. Later, I just held on to everything out of respect. I'm about to turn that inheritance into a new start for myself. I don't want you telling anyone about this, okay? I have to do this myself, and I don't want anyone trying to help or give me advice. Besides, I'm fairly certain the guys would throw a fit if they knew about this. You're not going to be too happy either, but I have to do this. Otherwise I'm going to be stuck in this loop forever."

Just then the phone on the desk buzzed and the secretary picked it up. "Ms. Queen, you may go in now." They stood and walked to the office door. An elderly man opened it up and waved them inside. The gentleman sat back down behind the desk as they sat in front of it.

"Miss Queen, Penny. I was surprised to hear from you. It has been a long time since we last spoke. Almost 4 years." he said gently.

Penny nodded. "Yeah. I'm grateful you agreed to see me on short notice. This is my friend Howard Wolowitz." The two men shook hands briefly. "I'm sorry to just spring this on you, but I want to sell my inheritance." Penny looked down at her lap. "Well, most of it anyway. The scripts, jewelry and stuff. I want to keep 5 specific scripts, the dress and the pin. I want to sell everything else."

Mr. Atkins looked at her closely. " I wondered why you requested I bring everything from the bank deposit. Is there a particular reason for this?"

Penny nodded. "I'm going to go back to school. I will need funds to do that. And to keep my bills paid since I will need to cut back on my hours at work. I am not too far away from a theatrical arts management degree. I can have a bachelor in 2 and a half years, if I go full time, including the summer."

Howard looked at her with surprise and pride. Mr. Atkins looked pleased as well. "Well, then," he said carefully, "I do know someone who would love to get their hands on your jewelry, especially the pieces from the show. Are you sure you only want to keep 5 scripts?"

Penny nodded confidently. She only had about 15 anyway. Not enough to really earn her much at the moment. They would be worth more as the years passed, but she needed money now. A college degree would support her for the rest of her life. She waited as Mr. Atkins gathered the papers necessary and went to the safe. He set a medium size box before her and moved away. She saw Howard glance at the name on the box and gasp. Mr. Atkins excused himself to make a call after patting Penny on the shoulder gently.

He wondered if she truly understood what she was letting go of. He noticed her staring at him and when he looked up she nodded. No wonder she didn't want Sheldon to know. Majel Barrett-Roddenberry was a name Sheldon would probably faint over. He watched her pull out a communicator pin and an air tight plastic storage bag. The iconic blue uniform was neatly folded and stored inside. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch it.

An hour later, Penny was busy signing the forms in front of her when the phone rang. Mr. Atkins picked it up and spoke softly. After a few minutes he hung up and cleared his throat. "Penny, we have an offer." He looked at Howard briefly.

Penny smiled. "He's my friend. I don't mind if he knows."

Mr. Atkins nodded. "$325,000 if you include _all_ the jewelry from the shows, real and fake. You could have a check in 3 days. We could hold out and see if we get a better offer, but I won't lie to you. This one is more than I hoped for. I did not expect more than $250,000."

Penny debated with herself for only a few minutes. "Accept it for me. Then I will need you to put the funds into an trust or something that will pay my bills, including tuition and give me an allowance of $500 a month for food, gas, and household."

Howard was impressed by Penny's planning. So was Mr. Atkins, it seemed. He broke out into a proud smile. Penny felt pretty good, too. This was moving along much faster than she had hoped for when she had spent the night and morning planning. Soon she would start again. She just hoped she got it right this time.


	6. Burying the Hatchet

He wasn't sure why he had never realized it before. It was so obvious to him, now that he looked for it. He was more than a little in love with her. Sheldon paced his bedroom frenetically. How had he not known? He looked back over the length of their friendship and could see the signs now. The way he would only let her care for him when he was ill. The annoyance with her dating meat headed apes. The way he never doubted her ability to get his food right. The way he knew he could rely on her. Even the things he did were examples of his growing feelings. Like cleaning her apartment, and helping her for hours on end make barrettes. He trusted her. He liked her. He disliked it when she did not join them for meals. He even insisted she drive him on his first few dates with Amy. He knew now that it was a unintentional need to have her present on his dates. His subconscious mind's way of pretending he was on a date with her, not Amy.

He bought extra milk so there was always plenty for her coffee. He loaned her money so she wouldn't move. He always ordered extra dumplings just for her. He had returned from Texas, not because his friends had come for him, but because she had sent them. He had always found her attractive. One of the only secrets he had ever kept was that she played a prominent role in the weekly servicing of his body's biological needs. Sheldon slumped down on the end of his bed. He was falling in love with his best friend. What should he do now?

* * *

She had spent a second night on Howard's couch thinking about everything carefully. First she needed to bury the hatchet with Sheldon. What he had said was insulting. But it was the truth as he saw it, and Sheldon always told the truth. It was just his way. So, she decided to talk to him at work, instead of the apartment. Cowardly? Yes. But she wanted a semi-public venue so they couldn't get too in-depth. Keep it casual and move on. Her emotions were so raw anymore when it came to Sheldon.

She ignored the stares of the people in the hallway, and knocked lightly on Sheldon's door. He looked shocked to see her for a moment and then he swallowed nervously before inviting her in. She sat down on a chair by the door as he took up his seat at the desk. He frowned by how far away she sat, but she didn't give him chance to speak.

"Sheldon, I owe you an apology for leaving before your meal was ready. I wasn't feeling well on Tuesday, but I should have warned you."

"Penny, about last Thursday …." he began but she held up a hand to stop him.

"Sheldon, I don't like being on the outs with you. I want to just forget about last week. Let's just go back to being friends and move on from here. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to hash it out. I just want to forget about it."

Sheldon frowned and shook his head slowly. "Penny, please, we should talk about this."

Penny closed her eyes and sighed. "I don't want to Sheldon. I'm not upset anymore. It doesn't matter. It was a small argument that, in the long run, doesn't matter. I really don't want to talk about it. Ever. Let's just hit the reset button and start over from our last save, okay?"

Sheldon stood and moved over to sit in the chair bedside Penny. This wasn't right. Penny never just gave in. She never dropped an argument. Had he broken something between them? "I want us to be friends again," he said softly.

Penny nodded, her eyes on her lap. She reached over and almost gave his arm a tiny pat before changing her mind and withdrawing it. "We are friends, Sheldon. This hasn't stopped that. Please? Can't we just drop it?"

He didn't like her sounding so sad and small. So, he did what he could. He nodded his head. He didn't like leaving this unresolved, but it was what she wanted. Her relief was almost palpable. After a couple of seconds, Penny stood up.

"Okay, well, I'm going to head on over to Howard's lab now." She turned to the door but Sheldon quickly touched her elbow to bring her back around to him.

"Penny," he looked down at her with a mix of confusion and hope, "it is Anything Can Happen Thursday. Will you join me for a meal? I was planning on ordering a pizza and watching a movie. You can chose the movie if you want."

Penny looked away for a moment and then nodded. "Okay, Sheldon. I'll be by about 7." Before he could say anything else, she slipped out of the office and hurried away.

Sadly, Sheldon watched her move quickly down the corridor. She had almost said no, he suspected. He felt his chest tighten painfully. He would find a way to fix this. He had to.


	7. Leaving Los Robles

Sheldon was just picking up the phone to order the pizza when Howard walked in, followed by Amy. He looked at them curiously. He had assumed Howard would be joining Leonard and Raj at the movies.

Amy settled into the middle cushion of the couch, placing her hands on her knees, before turning to Sheldon. "Hello. Is Penny here yet? I am looking forward to tonight. She and I have been unable to spend much time together lately due to her schedule at work."

Sheldon stiffened in annoyance for a second. "No, Penny has not arrived, yet. I was unaware you and Howard would be joining us tonight. I must revise my pizza order." He dialed the phone and walked toward the kitchen for a bottle of water. Why were Amy and Howard here? Had Penny asked them to join them? Sheldon glanced at them with his peripheral vision. They were chatting comfortably, completely unaware he would prefer only Penny's company. They had things to talk about. Also he needed to see if there as any chance Penny could or would return his feelings. Once he knew that, he could decide what to do about his relationship with Amy.

Sheldon knew Penny would be late, she was always late, so when she knocked on the door (since when did Penny knock, he wondered) at 6:57, he was very surprised. He frowned slightly at her clothes, the loose Huskers shirt over baggy sweats. No make-up and hair hanging down, like a curtain to hide behind. His frown grew as she refused Amy's offer to move and instead, sat on the floor between Howard's knees.

His spot was on the end of the couch. Penny's spot was the cushion beside his. It had been ever since the second day he met her. Every one knew that. And when she didn't sit there, she always took the armchair on his other side, but usually only when Howard was being extra creepy. This isn't the way things are supposed to be. Sheldon frowned. Actually, now that he thought about it, lately Penny had been sitting across the table from him more often. In fact, she rarely sat on the couch, even if there was no one else around.

Sheldon fidgeted for a moment. "Penny, have you chosen a movie?" he asked, hiding his agitation behind a calm voice.

Her eyes flickered to him, and then to Amy. He found that confusing. "I was thinking we could watch The Fifth Element. We all like that one."

The pizza arrived a few minutes later and Penny hurried to get it from the delivery guy in the lobby. They wouldn't bring it to the forth floor with the elevator out of order. When she got back, they turned on the movie and ate. Sheldon often glanced over at Penny, but she was watching the movie intently. Halfway through it, she whispered to Howard and then leaned her head on his knee whereupon he began running his fingers in her hair. Sheldon clenched his hands to keep them from removing Howard's fingers. This night was not going the way he had planned.

Penny drew comfort from the fingers in her hair. Her headache was bad, and the tiny massaging motions were soothing. She was hyper aware of Sheldon just a few feet away. She was glad Amy had called her up this afternoon to see about having a girl's night. She felt a bit guilty for using Amy as a buffer, but it was necessary. She was determined to get past these feelings. Sheldon was her friend. He was dating Amy, also her friend. They were perfect for one another. Penny would find a way to get over this if it killed her.

The moment the movie was over Penny stood. Sheldon knew she was about to escape so he blurted out the first thing that popped into his head. "How about a game of counterfactuals?"

Amy nodded happily. "Oh yes. I would love a few rounds of counterfactuals." She turned to Penny. "We have never played together before. This will be fun."

Sheldon watched anxiously as Penny prepared to refuse. He was torn between gratitude and anger when Howard placed a hand on Penny's wrist and gently pulled her down on the couch beside him. Penny sighed quietly and nodded.

Amy chose to go first, so she picked a card and turned to Penny. "Bestie, in a world were bananas are poisonous, who invents the first airplane?"

Penny sagged back against the couch and tried to think it through. She hated this game. It never failed to make her feel stupid.

"W. C. Fields," she says wearily.

Everyone looked at her with confusion. "Explain." Sheldon said curiously.

Penny shrugged. "Fields was a slap stick comedian. He began his career doing falls and stunts, such as slipping on a banana peel. If bananas were poisonous, he would never had been around them. He would never have made his career as a comedian. Instead he would have followed in his uncle's shoes as an engineer, and focused on his other love, travel. He would have revolutionized travel with his work."

Sheldon smiled benignly at her while Amy frowned. "Not a bad answer," Sheldon said. "It's not correct, but very good reasoning. The correct answer is Claude Oscar Monet."

Amy leaned into Sheldon and kissed him. She smiled warmly. "I love the way you think."

Sheldon jerked away from Amy to see Penny jump up. Amy tried to grab her hand, thinking Penny was upset at losing. Penny scrambled away, and hurried out of the room. Howard stood and followed her out. He followed Penny through her apartment. He sent off a quick text before joining her. Sheldon's phone buzzed. He picked it up and read aloud to Amy.

**Upset stomach. Side effect of P's meds. Don't worry.**

Meds? Penny was not on any medication that he knew of. What was going on? Amy stood and scurried across the hall. The door was still opened a bit, so Amy pushed it open and she walked in. Sheldon followed slowly, and then froze as they heard soft murmurs from the bedroom. They poked their heads in, but that room was empty also. Amy and Sheldon moved forward and saw Penny hanging over the toilet. Howard was patting her back and holding a washcloth to her head.

Sheldon didn't hesitate at all. He moved forward and knelt down beside Penny. He tucked some hair behind her ear and began singing.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little….."

"STOP!"

Sheldon was shocked by the anger in Penny's voice. Her eyes were wide and tear-filled. Her skin was pale and waxy looking. Sheldon clenched and unclenched his hands in agitation.

Penny opened her mouth to speak, but her stomach rolled again. She turned back to the toilet and finished letting go of her dinner. She was so tired. She was so worn down. She couldn't take Soft Kitty. Not now. She watched Sheldon's expression flutter between confusion, worry, anger and back to worry.

"Penny, you are sick," he began gently, "maybe we should take you back to the hospital."

Penny pushed herself off the floor and flushed away her pizza. Howard handed her a glass of water, and she rinsed her mouth out thoroughly. She used the time to decide what to do. She slowly walked back out and sat down on her bed. Amy immediately sat down beside her and rubbed her back. "The doctor gave me Ativan, and it didn't agree with me. I'll call tomorrow and get something else. I just want to go to bed, okay? So, everyone out. I need sleep."

Sheldon straightened his back and clasped his hands behind his back. "Penny, if you are having a bad reaction to a pharmaceutical, you shouldn't be alone."

She glared at him for a couple of seconds, but was too tired to maintain it. "Fine. Howard sweetie, would you mind if I stayed over again?" Howard shook his head slowly, watching her closely. "Thanks. I'll just grab me a change of clothes, okay?"

Sheldon started to protest but Amy tugged on his arm. He looked down at her and she shook her head.

"Sheldon, if Penny doesn't want to go to the hospital, we must respect that. She will be fine with Howard." Amy turned to Penny and smiled softly. She reached out and wrapped her arms around her Bestie. "Penny, if you want I could stay here tonight? If not, will you at least call me tomorrow and let me know how you are?"

Penny looked down at the floor and nodded. "Yeah. I'll call, Ames. Thanks for the offer, but Howard and I will be fine."

Soon enough, Penny was seated on his Vespa and they pulled out of the parking lot onto Los Robles Ave. She looked at Amy and Sheldon standing in the lobby doorway and sniffled. They were silent the entire ride. Once at his home, he made up the couch for Penny, knowing she wouldn't take his bed. She sat down and curled her feet up under her.

After a few minutes he turned to her. "You're going to leave us, aren't you?" Tears slid down their faces as they both faced the possibility they would likely never see each other again.

After a minute Penny stood and pulled him into a hug. "Good night, Howard." He handed her a tissue and nodded jerkily. When he got up in the morning, she was gone.


	8. One Last Visit to 4B

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story! I wish I had more time to respond to everyone, but it's the night before xmas. I just finished putting all the presents under the tree, I have two more pumpkin cheesecakes to make, and I burned the last batch of muffins.** **Anon13, thanks for the song (I do feel better!) and the spell correction! I could smack myself over that one! I'll try to get the last of this up tomorrow.**

* * *

Sheldon ignored him for two days. He was actually relieved, since it allowed him to put off telling them all. On Sunday he knew he had to say something. Penny had sent him a text asking him to have Leonard return the spare key to the landlord. She had packed what she wanted while they were at paint ball and lunch. All that was left was a few pieces of furniture. He knew it was futile to ask, but he did anyway.

**Where are you going to live?**

**L.A. Staying with actress I no 4 now. Apt hunting 2moro. **

**We will miss you more than you know.**

**Me 2. Luv U all.  
**

He put away his phone and looked at his friends as they settled in to watch Iron Man. Sheldon kept shooting him small glares. Leonard was still jealous over the imaginary dating but he had recently hooked back up with Doctor Stephanie so he was too busy to be too mad. Amy was gazing up at Sheldon with confusion. Bernadette was filing her nails. Raj was oblivious to it all.

He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a soda.

"Yes, Wolowitz, you may have my last can of diet coke." Sheldon said condescendingly.

He took a few drinks then turned around and cleared his throat. "Sheldon, Penny would like for you to return the spare key to the landlord for her. By Wednesday at the latest." A gasp from Amy drew his eyes for a second. She looked shocked, while everyone else looked baffled. She had understood immediately.

"Why would she want me to do that," Sheldon asked crossly.

"Because she moved out," he said as kindly as he could. No one spoke for several minutes. Slowly, Sheldon stood and walked across the room and out the door. He pulled the spare key from his pocket and opened the door to 4B one last time.

The apartment was cleaner than when she had moved in. Only the teal sofa, the kitchen table set, and the bed remained. Amy looked at Sheldon and then turned to him. "She's not living with you, either. Is she?"

Sheldon's head snapped around to face him. He shook his head. "She left on Friday. I don't know where. She won't be back."

Bernadette looked at everyone sadly. "Why did she leave?"

He shrugged, not about to betray Penny's secret even now.

"Because she couldn't stay anymore," Amy said quietly. Everyone looked at her, but her eyes were on Howard. "Right? Because it hurt too much anymore. Didn't it?"

He just watched her solemnly. How much did she know? How long had she known it?

Sheldon looked between his friend and his girlfriend. "What are you talking about? What hurt?"

Amy looked at Sheldon sadly. "Penny is in love with you. She has been for over a year. She couldn't take seeing you and I together any longer. And she wouldn't say anything because she knows I love you too."

Sheldon felt faint. Penny didn't love him. He would know if she did. Right? And she left. She left and didn't say goodbye. You don't do that if you love someone. Unless…. He remembered how he felt when he realized he loved her. How he felt when he saw her with Wolowitz. How would he have felt months or years from now? He looked down at Amy's upturned face. She looked devastated. Almost as devastated as he felt.

Amy touched his chest lightly. "I do love you, Sheldon. I know you don't love me. Do you love her?" Her voice was husky with tears. Sheldon couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He felt lost and uncertain. Amy took a deep breath. "I guess I have my answer." She smiled sadly and reached up to place a hand on the back of Sheldon's neck. She pulled him down and kissed him hard.

Sheldon kissed her back gently before pulling away. "I'm sorry Amy," he whispered before he turned and walked away.

* * *

He had holed up in his room for six days before Leonard managed to draw him out. For the first time in his life, Sheldon was faced with a problem he could not fix. He worked the numbers. He wrote out long, complicated equations. He struggled to find a solution, but it eluded him. Penny was gone. She had left just as he was realizing his feelings for her. Raj was clueless, Leonard was useless, and Howard was helpless.

Penny's phone was cancelled, her facebook and twitter profiles deactivated, and her email account deleted. He had even called her parents in Omaha. Her father said the last letter they had gotten from her was still for 2311 N. Los Robles. Penny had walked into the Cheesecake Factory the day she left and handed in her uniform. No one knew where she was, or how to find her.


	9. A Night On The Town

**TWO YEARS LATER**

He stood in front of 4A for almost 20 minutes before he worked up the courage to walk in. He had been planning this for a week, ever since he had gotten her letter. Now was not the time to get cold feet. It was the third Thursday of the month and that meant it was Anything Can Happen night. He smiled as he wondered if she had planned it that way. He patted his jacket pocket, reassuring himself that the bundle was there. Sheldon was sitting in his spot, as always. He sighed sadly. Sheldon had retreated into himself for a long time after Penny had left. It was only about 6 months ago he had started to liven up some. Leonard and Stephanie sat on the couch beside him. They had just announced their engagement 2 weeks ago. Raj and Bernadette occupied the two wooden chairs. He kept expecting them to get engaged any time soon. Amy turned from the fridge and smiled at him. They had gotten close after Penny left. Two acquaintances trying to commiserate together. He thought maybe he loved her. She was warm, funny, and had a sex drive to match his own. And she never looked down on him for not having a Ph.D. He stood by the door, waiting until he had everyone's attention.

"Howard, please find a seat so we may begin our meal," Sheldon said blandly.

"Actually, I would like to talk to you all." Every eye turned toward him and then flickered to Amy. He almost rolled his eyes. They were expecting a proposal, he realized. Not now, he thought. Maybe someday, though.

"Ahem." He cleared his throat dramatically. "I would like to cordially invite you all to an outing to see a new play tonight."

Sheldon glared at him. "Nonsense. We are watching the new Spiderman movie tonight with commentary."

Howard pulled the envelope from his pocket. "I have 7 tickets to a play that opened up last month. It's a huge hit already. Front row seats, and preferred seating passes, which means Sheldon can find his sweet spot. The show starts in 96 minutes. There is a cast dinner afterwards that I have invitations for. The show is called The Big Bang Theory."

Stephanie's eyes lit up. "Wow! I've been wanting to see that! How did you get tickets? They've been sold out almost since it opened! Plus invitations? The lead actor is Jim Parsons. He's supposed to be really talented."

Everyone started to sound pretty excited except Sheldon. He glared around the room. "I have no interest in this. I will decline and stick with my planned activities for the night."

Howard hid his exasperation. Plan B. He pulled another package from his other pocket. "I have an added incentive, Sheldon." He drew out the letter and handed it to his friend.

Sheldon scanned it and then gasped. He slowly read it a second time. He looked up at Howard who nodded.

"Yep," Howard said. "I have in my possession 4 authenticated scripts from the Star Trek franchise. That's 1 for each of us. The only way you can get them is by coming to this play."

Sheldon jumped up and snatched his coat off the desk chair. "Come on," he practically yelled at the others. "We have a play to get to!"


	10. The Stars of the Show

**Elizabeth, thanks for the review, and I couldn't agree more! Well, here it is. The last of the story. I enjoyed all the reviews and messages. I loved the chats I have had with some of you over the show, fanfics, and life in general. Happy Saturnalia to everyone. Whatever or however you celebrate, may you have peace, love, joy and the company of those who love and respect you.**

* * *

Sheldon settled into his sweet spot and glanced around. The theater was filling up fast. He really didn't want to be here. He hated crowds. He hated theaters he had not previously approved. Besides, this was the same stage _she_ had performed on when she had that small role in Rent. He cursed the ache in his chest as her name flittered through his mind. He tried to never think of her anymore, and he refused to say her name. It was too much of an agony.

Soon the lights dipped and the stage lit up. He watched two young men walk onto stage, in the middle of some conversation. A pretty blonde stood in a doorway across the stage from them.

**Short guy : New neighbor?**

**Tall guy : Evidently.**

**Short guy : Significant improvement over the old neighbor.**

**The tall one : A 200 pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes, she is**.

Sheldon felt a fluttering in his stomach as he recalled this conversation. How was this possible?

The trio were introducing themselves now.

**Blonde: Oh, hello, I guess. I'm your new neighbor Patty.**

**Short one : I'm Lenny, and this is Don.**

Sheldon couldn't tear his eyes away from the drama unfolding on stage. There were differences. Not just the names, but small changes such as a fake university instead of Cal-Tech. No arctic mishap. By the end Don had won a Nobel. Patty was only a small minor character. Also there was Henry, the engineer and Rahas the astrophysicist. The show centered around the four men and their friendship. There were a lot of laughs, but very little romance. There were a lot of mishaps and misunderstandings as the group interacted with the world around them, but they were never laughed at. The writing made it seem like it was the world that was strange and lost, not the four men. They seemed comfortable in who they were and what they could do. They were confident in a world that was often confused and aimless.

Three hours sped by and suddenly the house lights were coming up. The cast was introduced, and they took their bows. Then Jim Parsons stepped forward.

"I'd like to bring out our fabulous playwright now. She is a charming and wonderful woman who has made this play possible. Her determination and steadfastness kept all of us from caricaturization the characters. Please welcome Ms. Penelope Queen!"

Sheldon's heart thudded in his chest. She walked out on stage and hugged Parsons warmly before turning to the audience. She had cut her hair short, it barely grazed her jawline. She was wearing a floor length gray gown that made her eyes seem large and brilliantly green. She bowed a few times to the audience's applause and then looked directly at where they were seating. He wondered vaguely if she could actually see them through the glare of the lights.

"Thank you. I would like to take all the credit for The Big Bang Theory, but I cannot. I have a wonderful cast, crew and director. They have worked so hard to make this show a success. But more than that, I would like to thank four very special men. They were and still are my inspiration. They taught me so much, not just about science, but about life. They are the most wonderful friends a person could ever have. Kind, sweet, supportive and probably the four smartest men I will ever have the pleasure of meeting." Penny paused and nodded offstage. Suddenly a light was shining of them.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give a huge round of applause for the true stars of our show, Leonard Hofstadter, Rajeesh Koothrappoli, Howard Wolowitz and Sheldon Cooper."

The four men slowly stood as the audience erupted into thunderous applause. The actresses portraying Patty, Amanda, Nurse Stacy and Belinda walked down the stage steps and presented the four men with a rose each. Sheldon looked back up at the stage but Penny was gone. Parsons was walking past to hand small bouquets to Amy, Bernadette and Stephanie but stopped in front of him.

"She'll be at the party. She has things to do first," he whispered to Sheldon.

Sheldon nodded in shock. His mind was whirling and he was unable to reply.

* * *

The moment they walked into the banquet hall, they were applauded again by the cast and crew. They were stunned by the welcome they received. It was as if the cast thought them the stars. People asked to shake their hands and for autographs. Sheldon, unused to so much attention found a corner to hide in. Kaley, the actress playing Patty found him almost immediately.

She smiled as she stared up at him. Sheldon fidgeted a bit. "She talks about you all the time," Kaley said. "She's always talking about how smart you are, and how sweet. She says you'll win a Nobel soon."

Sheldon blushed and ducked his head.

Kaley tilted her head. "Whatever happened between you, she loves you still. Please don't hurt her."

Sheldon gaped at the blond. Kaley looked behind him and nodded. Sheldon turned to see Penny standing a few feet away. She was staring at him anxiously, like she was ready to bolt. Slowly Sheldon turned toward her and smiled shyly. Penny's eyes lit up and she moved closer. Sheldon met her halfway.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi." He smiled gently. "How have you been?"

Penny shrugged. "Working hard. Going to school. I almost have my degree."

They stared at each other, oblivious to the way the crowd was watching them with baited breath.

"Penny…"

"Sheldon…"

They spoke at the same time. After a second she gave a small laugh. "You first or me?"

Sheldon indicated her, so Penny took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry I left like I did. It was hard, and I know I hurt you all. But it was necessary. I was stuck, Sheldon. In a loop like you used to do. I was drowning in failure. But." He had felt a stabbing pain when she said she wasn't sorry. Now he felt a tiny hope at the word 'but'.

"But," she continued. "I missed you terribly. I missed all of my friends, but I missed you more. Two years ago I was falling apart. I hated myself. I hated my life. Even the good parts, the you parts were killing me. I hurt all the time. Because I was scared. I was too much of a coward to say anything. I'm different now. I'm no longer afraid. I love you. Whether you ever feel anything for me or not, I need to tell you how I feel. You are the only man in the world I can or will love. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Sheldon felt his lips draw back into a true smile. Not his joker grin, or his koala smile. His Penny smile. "Before you left, I realized I was experiencing much more affection for you than I had previously realized. It took you leaving for me to understand just how much I needed and loved you, Penny. In all my life, I have never understood emotional attachments. I have never wanted to become entangled with someone else before. But you broke through all of those misgivings. I regret that I did not recognize this before you left. It was debilitating to lose you, Penny. My life lost it's warmth and brightness the day you disappeared. I love you, Penny. Seeing your play, watching you cross that stage, it was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. I am very proud of you. And now that I've found you again, I'm not letting you go."

Before he could brace himself, he found his body enveloped in Penny's arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him. Sheldon laughed gently as he wrapped his around her waist. Behind them, the entire room cheered loudly. They didn't even notice.


End file.
